Michael T. Weiss On Late Night With Conan O'Brien    
April 02, 1997



Conan O'Brien:   My next guest can be seen every Saturday night in The Pretender. Please welcome Michael T. Weiss. How're you doing, Michael?

Michael T. Weiss:   This is like an old-fashioned microphone. That's very cool, man.

CO:   Oh, you like this?

MTW:   I like that.

CO:   It's just an old tradition. This thing doesn't even work, but we use it anyway. You're a tall guy. How tall are you?

MTW:   I'm six-three.

CO:   Six-three?

MTW:   Yes.

CO:   Really. 'Cause I'm about six-four. Did they try and make you--I had no coordination as a child, but because I was tall, everybody said, "You must play basketball."

MTW:   Right.

CO:   And I'd get out there, and I'd go, "Ooohh." And they would say, you know, "Please sit over there and never play basketball again." And I would just weep in the corner alone, sadly. Were you forced to play basketball?

MTW:   I was, but you know in my next life, I really want to be a basketball star. But in this life, I'm forced to, you know, be an actor.

CO:   Were you any good at all playing sports and basketball? Were you a good athlete?

MTW:   Oh yeah, I was okay. But I do remember going out in the middle of the floor one day during a high school basketball game and taking my sweatpants off, but I forgot to put underwear or shorts on.

CO:   You're kidding. That's like a nightmare I have. Did people react? Did you then just decide, "The hell with it, I'm just going to play the whole game this way?"

MTW:   Actually, I got a lot more dates after that experience.

CO:   And no guy would guard you. They're all like, "Whoa, come right on through. Go." You scored 400 points.

MTW:   Actually, you are tall, because I saw you on the streets of New York last summer when I was here.

CO:   I'm like Big Bird when I walk around.

MTW:   You're really tall. You know, I thought you were a little guy, but you're tall, and you had a really beautiful woman....

CO:   Well, on TV I come across as a small, insignificant person. But in real life I'm....

MTW:   You're just big.

CO:   Exactly.

MTW:   But you had this really beautiful woman on your arm. I thought, "Man, that guy's gettin' it. He's got a talk show and he's got a beautiful girl. You got the life.

CO:   Yeah, I go out with Cher. But don't spread it around. I don't want to read about that in the tabloid. That I go out with Cher. Okay. Tell us about The Pretender. First of all....

MTW:   [MTW looks at the other guests.] Everyone looks very respectable, though.

CO:   Yeah, and then you're here looking like a hitman. What's going on here? Can't you afford a tie? What's going on? [Conan points at MTW's red silk shirt, which is unbuttoned to show a white undershirt.] This is nice. [Conan then points at the undershirt.] But what's this look here?

MTW:   It's just, you know....

CO:   Okay. Alright.

MTW:   It's a Pretender thing.

CO:   Oh, The Pretender. Let's talk about The Pretender.

MTW:   Okay

CO:   Alright. First of all, the name. You guys, your show is, like, right next to The Profiler. Now, doesn't that get confusing? Does the cast ever show up at the wrong set? Is this The Profiler or The Pretender?

MTW:   I knew something was going to come....No, The Pretender. It just so happened that they were separate pilots, and they put 'em together in the Thrillogy, which I like to call lump television. You know, when they put us all together.

CO:   Yeah, NBC has lots of good ideas.

MTW:   Yeah, they do. They're a clever bunch.

CO:   Yeah, that's why I'm here.

MTW:   I love everything NBC does. Hi, Warren.

CO:   Yeah, right. You're through in this business. Tell us what's the idea behind The Pretender, 'cause there's actually this kind of a cool idea behind it.

MTW:   Oh, it's--Steve Mitchell and Craig Van Sickle, who are our producers, came up with a very clever hybrid of several different kinds of TV shows, that they lumped altogether into one. There's that lump word again.

CO:   It's The Nanny and Alf.

MTW:   Meets Quantum Leap. It's a sci-fi adventure. It's a mystery. It's a drama. So, it's been a lot of fun. And I get to play a different character every week.

CO:   You play, like, a freaky kid who grew up with no parents.

MTW:   No parents.

CO:   And you grew up, like, in a laboratory.

MTW:   I was a child prodigy. I was raised by the Centre, which is in Blue Cove, Deleware, where lots of nefarious, bad things happen. 'Cause they all happen in Deleware, I think, 'cause I've never actually been to Delaware. Have you?

CO:   Uh, yes. We have an affiliate there. There's nothing nefarious at all about Deleware. It's a wonderful, wonderful place.

MTW:   Hi, Warren. Anyway, this nefarious organization raises me and exploits my genious for 30 years. I finally realize that they're probably up to no good and that there's life outside this 30 below zero, you know, 30 floors below the Centre, where I've been raised. So, I escape. And I go out and right the wrongs of the world using my skills and I wear different clothes every week.

CO:   And you pretend to be different people.

MTW:   Different people, yeah, in lots of different clothes.

CO:   So you--every week on the show--you get to dress up as somebody else. You get to, like, be a postman one week and then a dentist the next week and then, uh....

MTW:   Late night talk show host.

CO:   Right. Yeah. Get to wear that cool uniform. And then, uh, do you actually ever wear the costumes? 'Cause I remember once I was in one thing once out in Los Angeles where I had to play a cop. The minute they see a guy like me, they go: "Oh, he'll be a cop." And they dressed me as a cop, and I remember the most fun part was inbetween, you know, shooting. I wandered off the lot. And I was just, like, kind of telling people to move it along.

MTW:   And you know, what's really fun is if you take the cop uniform home.

CO:   Really?

MTW:   You can have a lot more fun with it at home, later.

CO:   Really? Isn't that illegal? Take him away.

MTW:   In the privacy of your own home.

CO:   This is a sting to get you. You had a very interesting former job I wanted to ask you about. You used to work on The Playboy Channel. And I thought Robin Leach had it made. But you worked on The Playboy Channel. Now tell us about that. What did you do then on that channel?

MTW:   I, uh, well, thank you for bringing up an embarrassing job. I appreciate that.

CO:   That's kind of what I do.

MTW:   I understand.

CO:   I'm The Profiler. I am The Embarrasser. Week nights at eight. Uh, well, we're out of time. But very succinctly, what happened?

MTW:   I used to host The Playboy Channel. They fired me from the job because I had to read a teleprompter.

CO:   'Cause you weren't a woman. With giant breasts.

MTW:   I wasn't.

CO:   They said, "He doesn't look hot in a bikini."

MTW:   Which is basically, intrinsically why I got fired. But I couldn't read the teleprompter 'cause I didn't know I needed glasses at the time. So I used to go [MTW squints.]: "Welcome to The Playboy Channel." And I looked like a mole.

CO:   Oh, and they thought, "He's a pervert." Everybody watching. Alright, The Pretender. That's what they thought. The Pretender is Saturdays at nine on NBC, and you gotta come back some time and tell us more embarrassing things.

MTW:   That'd be my pleasure. You're a very funny man.

CO:   Well, that's what they say. Michael T. Weiss, everybody. And thanks for being here.